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Posts Tagged ‘fear’

As a parent it is important that we understand what potential problems our child has. It goes without saying that many children have various anxieties and worries; I know that I certainly had quite a few as I was growing up. In this article, I write about the types of fears that this might be and about how we can help our children to cope and to get through life in the best possible and stress-free way.

I am by now a child social worker and what I write within this article is just my own personal opinion. I actually work within the stammering therapy industry; I am also involved with a DVD authoring company and with a group of cost reduction consultants.

Many children are able to pick up on what their parents are worrying about. They may hear arguments about money and can then start to worry themselves about the financial situation their family may be in. I am a parent myself and try where possible to only discuss serious issues with my partner when the children are out or are asleep. If I believe that one of my children has overheard a conversation which I would have rather they hadn’t, I then talk to them to attempt to reassure them that everything is OK.

Children may also worry that their parents may break up and that they will end up living apart. They will no doubt hear that this has happened to their friends and may wonder and stress about how their lives would change if this happened to them.

My children have told me that they worry and that they fear that one of their parents may die in the near future. It is quite difficult to explain to them that this is unlikely to happen as it obviously could. I try and laugh it off which may not be the best policy, by stating that I am still very young and that I have no plans to leave this planet in the near future. I explain to them the age that the average male will live to in our country and that normally, I hope, makes them feel better.

Another form of stress and anxiety for many children, is of course, attending school. Will they be able to cope and understand the work? Will they be able to obtain a good examination mark and a good report? Will they be able to make their parents proud of them? I have told my own children not to worry about these issues and to just try their best.

Socialising and meeting friends can also bring its own tensions. I am sure that we all remember our own childhoods and the fact that we regularly break friends but that we normally, eventually, make up again. It can be quite stressful when friends have a disagreement or argument. When this happens to my children, I make a point of saying that it has been the fourth time in a month that you and Amy as an example, have had a falling out. Your sure to make friends again in the near future.

As children get a bit older there is then the challenge of meeting a member of the opposite sex. We all know the problems and strains that this can bring. At this time I think it is just a matter of being there for your children and getting them through these difficult years the best and easiest way possible.

Today I am a happy person, I am proud and I am content. Why? Well because I have managed to turn my life around. The days when I stress, worry and become depressed over the slightest thing are over. I now live life with a smile on my face and am very much looking forward to the future. With the contents of this article I will be describing my journey to happiness and hope that it will prove to be an inspiration to other people out there.

Besides my nervous way of speaking (I had a speech impediment commonly referred to as stuttering), the following areas of confidence coaching were of interest to me:

I had, for whatever reason, a lack of belief at the workplace

For whatever reason I was a person who believed that he would fail every task that he was set

I wanted to become far more assertive

I would often get dragged down by negative comments

I was paranoid (at least a subtle feeling) that people don’t like me

I used to walk around as if the world owed me something and would often feel
very sorry for myself

I wanted to be able to speak with authority and presence

I wanted to see fear and anxiety as a challenge and not as a prison cell

I wanted to learn to be self-assured and to be able to feel comfortable in any place, anytime

I wanted to be able to talk to anyone, at anytime and feel completely in control and natural

As you can see I wanted quite a lot! By reading literature about how to gain confidence, how to increase self-confidence and about how to become a success helped me, in some degree, with all of the above. I realised that I needed to be a lot more care-free, I needed to stop worrying about what other people thought of me and I needed to appreciate what I had in life. Only by doing this will I ever have any chance of becoming a success.

I am now a lot more confident and proficient in my business life which is in the training for foster carers sector. It is a good place to be – happy at work and happy at home.

Affirmations Reprogram Subconscious Beliefs

Do reptiles get warm and fuzzy and fall in love? What on earth? Well, you have a reptile alive inside you now, so it is important to understand if it can. Yuck! We call it the “limbic system” but we got it from our dinosaur ancestors, but I’ve no idea what they called it.

Think like a reptile for a moment, what would you fear, what would you be interested in? If you saw a new thing, how would you feel? I imagine most reptiles only feel reproductive pressure, hunger and fear.

Imagine you are still that reptile, and you see something new. How would that reptile react? If it looked tasty, well chances are we’d try and eat it, or if it looked scary, we’d probably slither away.

Now step back into “you” again. Let’s be honest, our inner reptile has far more influence than we admit, wouldn’t you agree? We live in the illusion that we are one thing, a human being. But we are made up of thousands if not millions of different parts. Our brains are made up of three major parts, the stem or reptile brain, the mid-brain which deals with emotions and the rational brain. That’s just in our brain, but these LEGO set of life is in other parts of us too. If we zoom right into our cells, yes deep in there we have DNA, but DNA cannot directly interact with the body without RNA. So even the thing we think of as most representative of “us” our DNA, is in a sense foreign in our bodies since it needs RNA to communicate with the rest of the cells for it. Even our cells evolved from different primitive ancestors too. Our genetic “footprint” lives in a part of the cell called the mitochondria which we only get from our mothers. That raises some interesting questions!

Our being the sons and daughters of Eve is absolutely right. If you trace back any of our ancestors you arrive back in Africa about 6,000 generations ago. That is just the blink of any eye, so really, we are all African. The difference genetically between any two humans is barely measurable. The chimpanzee, our nearest relative, is only 2-3% different from us genetically.

So what’s with the evolutionary tour? Back to the brain, the limbic system is aware in a very vague way of other parts of the brain and frankly all it really cares about is survival. It does not care or even understand being rich, happy or fulfilled. Survival. Nothing else, just survival.

The subconscious is where the action is though. No one really knows which part of the brain it lives in, but it really does exist and much more importantly, it is where your accumulated beliefs live. Also, the subconscious does not understand negatives or have a sense of humor and is VERY literal in its interpretation of what you feed it.

The mid-brain has a richer emotional life and is aware far more than the limbic system, but it views life through an emotional lens. We were taught that our brains are completely rational and machine like. They absolutely are not. Thinking often acts more to stop action, that to prompt taking action.

Want an example, when you are at a store and the attendant comes over and starts to sell to you, if you are marginally keen, what’s the most common phrase people use? I’ll ____________ it.

Notice that interesting second word? Totally void of emotions there. Thought only tends to lead to more thought. May I give you the phrase anyway? I’ll think about it.

So in the end, we usually make emotional decisions and then justify them afterwards. For example, if we were to ask different people why they bought either product X or Y, we’d get very varied answers. In the end, they liked one more than the other. The decision was not made on the features of the product but on how it made us feel. We had a series of “filters” or beliefs that made one choice way more “logical” for us than the other one. Guess what happened next? Someone walked into the same store just after you did, and for them product Y was so obviously better than X, only a fool would by X. Is person A or B right? Either one take your pick. Take your pick. Both people made chances based solely on beliefs about the products, not the products themselves.

So what about our larger lives? Do our beliefs shape our world? Beliefs can also stop our actions as well. Let’s say you have a strong belief that you can’t swim (forget the “because’s for the moment”) well first off, you can’t swim because you have a negative belief around swimming which you can justify with lots of reasons and secondly, because you believe that chances are you’ll stop yourself from learning to swim. So of course it’s true you can’t swim!

Now let’s apply that to money. Goodness! The dreaded “M” word. Not THAT one boys, the one around the green stuff. There are probably more experts on money than anything else, and many of them are broke. Remember how “literal” minded the subconscious is. On this subject, everyone has an opinion, or ten. You could probably teach a course about sex easier than about money.

Why? Well, because money is an essential ingredient to living in the 21^st century, it is the means by which we can live our large dreams and achieve the kind of freedom deep down we all believe we can have. But up pop our beliefs and either say we do not deserve that life, or cannot have it because there is not enough to go around, or the rich are greedy bastards (and hey, who wants to be labeled a greedy bastard). Ever heard the phrase the “filthy rich”? In that world, to be rich you have to by filthy. Who deep down really wants to be filthy if that’s what it takes to be rich. How’d you like to be a filthy person? You have to be that before you can be rich.

How about “money is the root of all evil”? How many have heard of that one? I sure have. Bad is one thing, but evil is a whole different thing altogether. Bad is more of an attitude thing with a bit of non-conforming going on. Evil is a conscious and deliberate causing of harm to others for no purpose. It’s probably scary just reading that sentence. Imagine your reptile brain reacting to that one! Yup, that’s got “danger” written all over it, don’t you think?

It is our deepest, hidden beliefs that are guiding our lives. These beliefs seem so natural to us, like an old shoe, that we are scarcely aware of them. Our beliefs drive us to our target like a laser bomb. Do we end up with joy or sadness or worse? Depends on your beliefs about you, money, relationships and all the rest. If you are interested in changing those beliefs for more productive ones, The Science of Getting Rich is about wealth in more than just financial terms. You can also check out The Power of Simplicity.

You see, our reptile brain is alive and well, so are all the other parts of us. In our emotions, in our feelings, our thoughts and above all in our subconscious beliefs. With all this cast of characters, will the play of your life be a box office success or a flop?

Spiritual Growth is really just chucking out the junk we accumulate in life. Given that spirit is perfect already, we’ll leave that one to another post.